Friday, January 14, 2011

I get it, people wanna bang like me

I have a lot of fans, sexually.

From: Stalker
Sent: Friday, January 14, 2011 2:04 PM
To: Me
Subject: Sex Week

Hi there!

I'm a student at COLLEGE, planning our FIRST EVER Sex Week, during the week of March 28th! Our school is 70% male, and very repressed. To combat this, our Feminists United club (with a little help from other groups) is putting together a week of events to make sex easier to talk about, to break the stigma, and to teach students what they might not know.

With this in mind, we are looking to book speakers that could help out, and we'd love to have one of your workshops (BDSM 101 seemed like a great fit)!

Please let us know how we can make this happen (cost, etc.)!

Thanks so much!
Vice President, Feminists United

Wednesday, January 5, 2011

Screw All of Yo' Mamma's Holes

This is definitely one of our better submissions from a follower. Thank you ever so much for this. Definitely made our day.


Date: Wed, Aug 11, 2010 at 4:07 AM
Subject: Serious Business!

Hello Mister

You may be wondering why I am emailing you, well, let me explain:

I am part of a cult. Not a normal cult, but a cult. My name is

Owlfudger Moonbeam and my cult leader's name is Bov. This

Saturday, at 11:00pm, my group and I will gather in the woods.

We will strip naked, gather into a circle and perform a ritual.

However, we need you for us to complete the ritual. We must

cut off your nipples and feed them to the bunny rabbits, then we

have to feed your ejaculation to the frog spawn by throwing you

into a massive orgy with all of our mothers. Then we have to cut all

of your hair (From your head) and throw it into the blazing fire. Then

we eat your clothes. Then you go home.

This is to free the wood from pollution and to prevent man cutting down

the trees and destroying little squirrels'/birds's/etc homes.

If you do not come, then we will screw all of yo' mamma's holes.

Yes: ears, mouth, nostrils, genitalia and asshole.

- Owlfudger Moonbeam