This is definitely one of our better submissions from a follower. Thank you ever so much for this. Definitely made our day.
Date: Wed, Aug 11, 2010 at 4:07 AM
Subject: Serious Business!
To: MUSIC MANAGER
You may be wondering why I am emailing you, well, let me explain:
I am part of a cult. Not a normal cult, but a cult. My name is
Owlfudger Moonbeam and my cult leader's name is Bov. This
Saturday, at 11:00pm, my group and I will gather in the woods.
We will strip naked, gather into a circle and perform a ritual.
However, we need you for us to complete the ritual. We must
cut off your nipples and feed them to the bunny rabbits, then we
have to feed your ejaculation to the frog spawn by throwing you
into a massive orgy with all of our mothers. Then we have to cut all
of your hair (From your head) and throw it into the blazing fire. Then
we eat your clothes. Then you go home.
This is to free the wood from pollution and to prevent man cutting down
the trees and destroying little squirrels'/birds's/etc homes.
If you do not come, then we will screw all of yo' mamma's holes.
Yes: ears, mouth, nostrils, genitalia and asshole.
- Owlfudger Moonbeam